Breaking the Glass
by AlexHamato
Summary: "Your eye is like glass. It reflects me, but that's all. Nothing reaches inside." - Doug. A Statement from a deceased Finder that reveals more about the Mysterious Lavi than would normally meet the eye.


****This is my first try at -Man. I believe that the only character I'm interested in is Lavi, although Allen Walker is pretty well developed too, especially towards the ends of the series. So far I've only seen a few episodes of the anime, and the manga isn't always the best source to really get a good feel for a character. So I actually wrote this for my sister, who's a bigger fan of this franchise than I am, so I figured that I'd give it a shot.

-Man is owned by Katsura Hoshino, not me.

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**Breaking the Glass**

Lavi always knew how stupid humanity was. By experience, he understood how there was no innocent blood. Everybody always bled that same red color that nobody could ever wash off. Even now, in the midst of the most recent war between the Exorcists and Akuma, he has seen bloodshed. At least with this war, it was easier to make out the enemy. The problem with this war though, Lavi mused to himself, is that everybody was his enemy.

That is, of course, until he met a certain boy. At first he had mixed feelings about the left eye of Allen Walker. To be able to tell the difference between ally and foe, that would make this war so much easier. That was until he witnessed the suffering soul behind each Akuma that he destroyed. That single image reminded him so painfully that Akuma are bound and tormented souls that only wished to be released. The image was sickening and still, months later, left a pungent taste in his mouth.

This entire war was sick.

Never before had he had to fight on a certain side, and yet, keep in mind that he's not _really _on the Church's side. He's just an observer, just there to keep appearances and experience what it was like to be a soldier in a war. Lavi never meant to become attached, he was always told from a child to keep his distance. A trait he was well aware of, but never really thought of. That is, until a certain Finder of the Order brought up the same subject. Lavi remembered the sound of the boy's voice, the distant uncertainty as he spoke.

"_Your eye is like glass. It reflects me, but that's all. Nothing reaches inside."_

Maybe there was nothing inside to see. Lavi, at times, wasn't sure if he could even consider himself human. He interacted with humans just fine, but it was all an act. Everything was faked. He was so consumed and pleased with the idea of knowing what others didn't, of having that edge of knowledge that set him aside from everybody else. Lavi didn't realize it at the time, but the life he chose was a lot more damn lonely that he could ever imagine.

Old Panda was the only connection he really had to humanity, even though the old man himself was always aloof and indifferent. The cold treatment was normal, expected. That was why, when he met Allen Walker, that the experience was like a hot slap to his face. That feeling of warmth from the honest and full hearted way that the cursed boy just _accepts_ everybody; Lavi wasn't quite sure how to handle or think of that, the openness to forgive and become close with another. The very idea was far too foreign for him to grasp at first, but gradually over the months he became to become almost entranced by the white-haired Exorcist. For the first time in a long time, he really wanted to _know_ this person. Wanted to be close to him. A forbidden wish, in reality.

Lavi wanted to be his _Nakama_, a concept he long pushed away from his heart. He didn't want the pain of the loss from his last Nakama. A comrade that he killed with his own hands, the blood and life that he stole from a person that he cherished; he would never forgive himself. Lavi, at the time, didn't even know if it was physically possible to feel that much pain and yet still be alive. It was an all-consuming agony of despair and grief, an experience he would never want to repeat again.

But yet, here he is now, standing outside a Tea Shop and looking for twenty orders of Mitarashi Dango. Lavi knew he was well known for being able to pack away food, but he paled in comparison to what his friend could devour in one sitting. Lavi paused, musing inwardly as that name rolled across his tongue.

"Nakama," he said out loud, liking the almost sweet taste in his mouth. The word itself brought a warmth to his stomach that no amount of hot teas could bring. His mouth twitched slightly upwards as he walked into the shop, he wanted to smile. He _felt_ the emotion to smile. Lavi wanted to smile; hell, he wanted to grin like a fool as he bought the food, using a swiped wallet from Yuu Kanda. As long as he didn't get caught, he was sure that his fellow Exorcist wouldn't mind. Much.

The snow trodden roads were soft under his heavy boots, and the icy chilled wind seemed to creep and crawl into every opening in his clothing. Shivering, he began his way back to the Black Order, holding the box protectively under his arm. Stomach grumbling, Lavi contemplated taking a few Dango's to snack on himself, and wondered if Allen would care to notice a few of the dumplings missing…

"Hey, mister?" Lavi jumped at the sound of a small voice at his back, his hand jerking away from the still steaming box of Mitarashi Dango. "You dropped something, mister."

"Eh?" Lavi turned, looking down on a small black haired girl with onyx eyes glittering up at him, "I dropped some-" he paused again, staring down at the white lotus blossom cupped in the girl's open palms. Lavi scratched the top of his head with his free hand, "That's not mine."

The young girl smiled warmly, lifting the flower highly. "You can take it if you want, mister. It's a gift."

Lavi tensed, suspicion and distrust making his eye narrow warily. "And if I don't?"

"I'll be real sad." The girl's mouth began to grin impossibly wide, the sing-song voice turning sickly sweet and leaving a bad taste in Lavi's mouth. His right hand lowered to touch the hidden handle of his Little Hammer. "You wouldn't want to make me sad, would you mister?"

Lavi barely moved in time, less than a second was all it took for his Innocence to be activated and the hidden Akuma to warp and transform into it's true form. Hot liquid slowly oozed out of a deep scratch in the side of his face, right underneath his eye patch. That was too close for comfort; any hesitation and his head would probably be off his shoulders. The flower from before was now warped into the body of the Akuma, the petals acting as a sharp blade. He would have to be careful with this enemy.

"Now I'm sad. I'm always real hungry when I get sad, so I'll have to eat you now." The voice was warped as well, grinding on his sensitive ears. The voices of Akuma were always so annoyingly horrid.

"I really don't think that I'd be that appetizing. But if you want a quick snack, you can take a taste test on this, _Hi Ban: Gouka Kaijin_!" Surges of power left his body and coursed into his hammer, which extended and grew with the pulsating light of the fire seal turning the snowy street around him a warm ember color. The Akuma showed now fear to the fire, only crazed hunger as it lunged. Leaping to flip over the Akuma, Levi used his momentum to power the hammer down to engulf the Akuma in the flames.

Blackened soot was all that was left behind; Lavi shifted the box of Dango's from the inside of his coat. He peered inside and sighed with relief, the food was unharmed. He paid good money for these, even if the money wasn't his own, Lavi still hated to waste. The years on the road taught him how important food was, that and the Old Panda was always a critic about waste.

Lavi whistled merrily, keeping his mind away from the thought that the soul attached to the young girl Akuma was probably a parent, or sibling. He didn't want to know.

"Take… it…" The cold voice whispered in his ear, sending shivering chills down his spine. Ducking, his hair flattened against the shockwave of whatever-the-hell just flew over the top of his head. A stone house grumbled, sending waves of snow and dust into the once clean street. Lavi kicked back instinctually, putting his weight behind the attack and striking in the midsection of the Akuma.

"Pushy, aren't we? You'll make a good salesman for Hell, once I send you there." Flipping back onto one hand, he pushed off the ground and drew his hammer with his other hand. Lavi hoped that the box of Dango's didn't slip out of his black Exorcist coat. "_Ten Ban: Raitei Kaiten_!"

Lavi's hair stood on end as the electricity shocked the air, focused forcefully on the Akuma, sending it screaming hysterically. Grinding his teeth, Lavi pushed his hammer down upon the struggling Akuma, he could feel the Akuma's body give way under his hammer. He knew that a Level Two was no match for him, and yet because of this he let down his guard. If it wasn't for his reflexes, he would probably be dead by now. Was it really so hard to ask for a peaceful walk, for once?

His hammer shifted, and Lavi braced himself against the unexpected movement as a bone white hand with bladed fingers grasped his hammer, right above the head. The screaming died down, contorting into a bone-chilling laughter that made his stomach roll with unease.

"Funny boy, you're such a funny boy." The Akuma whipped it's arm around, throwing Lavi into a neighboring building. Clenching his jaw tightly against the ripping pain across his back and chest, Lavi stood up with piles of debris piled around him. Twisting his neck to pop it, he quickly examined the completely destroyed room. Looked like a kitchen.

He blinked widely at a brown haired boy staring at him blankly, still sitting on a stool and holding a half-filled glass of milk. The counter before the boy was completely obliterated was probably pouring himself a glass of the milk at the same time Lavi flew through his house. Shrugging off a few spare pieces of rubble, Lavi smiled and waved. "Sorry about that, kid. Look at the Brightside; you probably won't have to do dishes for another month."

The kid didn't answer. Lavi left quietly, as if that would ease the tension of the awkwardness. Swearing loudly, he reached inside his coat and pulled out the now extremely sticky box of crushed Mitarashi Dango's. Lavi dropped the box to the ground, marching over to the salivating Akuma and leaping out of the way of the oncoming bullets. Lavi's teeth rattled with anger, he wanted to eat a few of those for dinner! Hunger was still deep in his stomach, and the cold weather always put him in a bad mood. Empty stomach just amplified said bad mood. Big Hammer was especially light in his hands now, his anger fueling the energy in the hammer. He's had to hit this Akuma more times than he should have, his legs were beginning to ache and burn from the dodging that he had to do continuously. This attack had to be his last, because he didn't have the patience or energy to draw the fight out much longer.

"_Moku Ban: Tenchi Bankai_!" Bringing up his hammer, he spun the expanded weapon effortlessly, causing rifts in the air. The strong currents swarmed around him and the Akuma, blowing the struggling Akuma up and above the buildings. Lavi jumped, swinging his hammer around towards the helpless Akuma again. "Alright, you Dango Crushing Bastard, this is for all of Kanda's money that I spend on my friend's dinner! _Konbo Ban: Gouraiten_!"

Fire and lightning erupted and forged together to create a winding snake of heated light. The Akuma had no chance, instantly being incinerated leaving nothing but a foul odor and billows of black smoke. Luckily, the wind that he created with his Innocence carried the stench away, leaving him to fall back to the ground and land evenly on his feet. Retracting his Innocence, he admonished himself silently for putting so much effort into a Level Two Akuma. Lavi decided to blame his poor fighting on the fact that he was trying to protect the Dango's. It was never easy fighting with one hand, after all. That and he couldn't feel his toes; he really needed better boots with _no_ holes in them.

Walking back to the crushed box, his face pouted slightly as he picked up the sticky mess. "Man, oh man… What a bummer." Shrugging, Lavi pocketed the box again and decided to tell Allen that he simply forgot. No point in showing him the destroyed food, he wouldn't bother his friend with even considering eating it. Shame made his temper short as he kicked stray stones that were in his path. He really wanted to do something special for his friend. His own _Nakama_.

It was the least he could do, after all. Lavi tussled his hair nervously, recalling the burning flames as they seemed to almost lick at his clothes and skin. The pain and resolution he had to die, to atone for the guilt that he felt for nearly killing his own comrade. His own Nakama. Caught up in the emotion then, he can look back now and scoff at his stupidity. Killing himself wouldn't help anybody, especially Allen.

He certainly felt like dying at the time, though.

Death almost seemed… Nice. Like he could finally be at peace, away from the mortal world's pains and sufferings. Even now, he reflects back and finds himself struggling for which path to choose. The path of the Bookman leaves no room in himself to have a heart, and yet he yearns to have his comrades, his Nakama. He didn't want to just think of them simply as another piece of history that will fade and pass with time. Lavi wondered idly if Allen thought of him the same way that his deceased friend, Doug.

Lavi wondered if his eye was still only a reflective glass.

The tall gates of the Black Order Loomed in front of him, the doorkeeper opened at his familiar face to let him pass in. Walking through, he wandered around the halls for a short while, wondering if he should just go back up to his room and finish the crushed Dango's. Since there were twenty of them, crushed or not, that would be a lot of food. Maybe the Old Panda would help him eat them. He's seen the old man eat worse, just as he has himself.

If he's learned anything while being at the Black Order, it's that they have unnecessary rooms that are filled with the most random crap. Moving past his room, he decided to hog the Dango's to himself and continued his way into a darker corridor. Taking a sharp left, he found himself in a tall, circular room with an almost black, reflective pool in the center of the room. Lavi is past questioning anything in this place, usually just letting himself wander will lead him to something new every time.

Sitting cross legged at the pool's edge, he peered down and his lone eye widened slightly at the image. It was himself, only as a kid. Reaching up to rub his eye, he shook his head for good measure and looked back down into the blackened mirror; only to see himself as an adult. Eighteen years of life and he still looks good. Grinning to himself, he set the box of Dango's down beside him and peeled open the lid. They still smelled good, at least.

Eating one, he noticed that the dough has crunchy fragments of dirt and a sour aftertaste, which was probably a grime of some sort. The food settled the grumbling of his stomach, so he didn't mind much. Seeing himself reflected through the pool gave him the shivers, but he wasn't cold.

Who was he staring at?

He called himself Lavi, the forty-ninth alias and yet he couldn't quite understand if there was more to him than that, really. Interacting with people, he can play and act to be whoever he really wanted to be. Lavi could annoy Kanda, flirt with many striking women, or cause trouble for the Science Division and yet not really quite know _why_ he did. The reasoning behind everything. Behind himself.

Lavi put himself behind so many masks, that he lost his true face.

Gripping his fist, he snapped the wooden stick that bound the now eaten Dangos. Casting the sticks in the liquid, he raised an incredulous eyebrow at the lack of the rippling effect that he was going for. Bending forward over his crossed legs to touch the surface of the pool with the tip of his fingers, he was surprised at the solidity of the pool. Almost like a form of gel with a thin top-layer of slime.

There goes his plan on skinny dipping tonight, if only he could get Lenalee to join him.

"Do I smell Mitarashi Dango? You should know better than try to hide them from me, Lavi."

Jumping slightly in surprise, Lavi leaned back far enough to look at his friend. "I can see up your nose, beansprout. You really need to cut some of that hair down, looks like a forest up there."

"When are you and Kanda going to start calling me by my name? It's _Allen_. I'm not even that short for my age," Allen grumbled as he sat down, stealing a Dango. Lavi grabbed his hand, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Allen. It's got dirt all over it. Besides, who said that I was sharing?"

Allen pulled his hand back, Dango intact and with a bright smile. "I'll play you for it, if you insist on fighting me."

Lavi wasn't tricked by that bright smile, he knew the darker intentions. He only needed to see Allen play cards _once_. Photographic memory or not, his friend had an uncanny ability to cheat that surpassed his gifted memory. Lavi smiled back, just as mischievously as he plucked the Dango from his friend's hand and devoured all three dumplings in one bite.

"Hey, give that back!" Allen cried out, disgruntled but obviously humored at Lavi's smug look.

"I'm not sure you want this back after it's done it's course, beansprout." Lavi smirked as he picked his teeth with the stick, trying to get out a few shards of broken stone from the fight earlier.

"Who cut you on the face? It's all swollen. Is it supposed to be that yellow?"

Lavi shrugged dismissively, his cheek was beginning to throb, but he's had worse. He yelped as Allen suddenly pushed him aside and away from the Dango box so that he could scoop up several, consuming them all simultaneously. Allen's face had a tinge of green in response to the taste and texture. Lavi figured that he tasted the grime that covered the dumplings. He said nothing and looked away, shame squirming in his stomach like a nest of newborn snakes.

"You didn't have to eat that, you know." Lavi said slowly, watching his friend with a mixture of curiosity and guilt. Even _he_ didn't like to eat that food, and Allen is still inhaling the dirt covered Dango's, one after another. Some friend he was, basically feeding his Nakama dirt.

Finishing the food quick enough to turn Lavi's stomach sour, Allen picked his teeth with one of the wooden sticks as his face carried a thoughtful expression. Lavi figured that he was either really chewing over what he was about to say, or that he had serious indigestion. He couldn't really tell with all of the grime-covered food that his friend just devoured.

"You got these for me. No point in hiding it, I already know that you'd never buy yourself so many of these for yourself. Doesn't make sense, since you have friends to share it with, right?" Allen smiled knowingly. Lavi didn't know if he should tussle his hair or punch him.

Lavi raised his hands, palms forward as if he was caught red handed for a crime. "You've got me. Alright? I screwed up and got my ass handed to me by a Level _Two_, you believe that? I think I've been off my game for awhile. Better step up before the Old Panda makes me memorize the entire library in the Science Department."

Scratching the edge of his nose and averting his eyes from Allen knowing gaze, Lavi pulled up his coat further to cover what the burns that he knew his friend could see. Allen said nothing, joining his friend at watching their reflections in the onyx pool for several moments. Warm feelings always came whenever he was around one of his Nakama, Lavi mused. It was a pleasant feeling, unlike the cold bitter moments where he was alone in some strange place while people killed themselves over stupid affairs. Mindless wars brought nothing but death and tragedy, and yet, people still fought.

"Hey, Allen…" Lavi started, his mouth forming words but nothing more came out.

"Lavi? Is this about, you know… Ah," Allen rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, "Your fight with Road?"

"In a way, but not about the stupid suicidal issue, if that's what you were thinking about." Lavi internally groaned; he didn't want another week of everybody watching his every move. Like he was going to jump out of a high window in one of the towers and plummet to his death any moment. Nobody would even leave him alone to floss his teeth, they were so paranoid.

"It wasn't _really_ suicidal. Stupid, yes. But you were trying to get Road with that fire too, so it seemed more of a selflessly selfish martyr move to me." Allen shrugged, now chewing on the end of the stick like a lost puppy. "I know that you weren't yourself when you said that you weren't my nakama, Lavi."

Lavi tensed, gripping his hands into fists and closed his eyes tightly. "No, you're wrong this time, Allen. That was me. One of me, I mean… Part of me. It's complicated," he said through gritted teeth.

Allen nodded, saying nothing.

"Look, I was just going to ask if, you know…" Lavi sighed again, his throat as try as sandpaper. "If you had any idea or hell, even a _theory_ on why humans just… fight. Why they can't seem to get it out of their stupid heads that wars are never the answer. Why humans can't seem to just stop wars. Just _stop_ being dumbasses."

"Well, as I figured it, everybody has something that they have to protect," Allen pulled his arms above his head, stretching his back out with a series of popping sounds. "That felt good, sitting on the floor too long always makes my back ache."

"Better watch yourself, beansprout. White hair and now arthritis? Pretty soon we won't even be able to tell if you're a teenager or an old man," Lavi teased, feeling what he knew to be a _true_ smile sprouting on his face. "On a more serious note, I can actually get that. I was actually pretty foolish myself back there. Willing to give everything that's required of a Bookman, just to see you all again."

Allen looked at him with sad stormy eyes, "It's lonely, isn't it? Being a Bookman apprentice?"

"Can be, I suppose. Not so much of an issue anymore," Lavi answered, disgruntled. "Get that look off your face, beansprout. This isn't a pity party for me, got it?" Pulling at the sides of Allen's mouth to give him a grotesque grin, Lavi sported a bright grin of his own. "So don't give that look."

Allen laughed, covering Lavi's hands in saliva like an over-flooding swamp. "Disgusting! Look at my hand now! It looks like you covered it with slime! I'm going to break out in hives or something now."

Their laughter filled up the dark chambered room and echoed down the corridors. Rolling on the ground in almost hysterical laughter and clutching each other for support, they shakily got to their feet, holding their stomachs as they caught their breath.

"Hey, Allen…" Lavi gripped his friends shoulder, patting him lightly on the back. "Thanks, for teaching me how to be a happy fool."

"Anytime, my friend. Anytime."

Sharing identical grins, their bonding moment was quickly brought to a halt when a roaring and thundering call rolled into the room.

"Where in the _hell_ is my wallet?"

Lavi unconsciously took a step back, nervously chuckling and rubbing the back of his head. "Friends don't tell potentially homicidal pretty-boy samurais about _borrowed_ money, right?"

"Take me out for some more Mitarashi Dango, and you have yourself a deal."

"Seriously? You gluttonous bastard! Fine, fine. It's a deal. You're lucky that you're cute, otherwise I'd never go for this deal," Lavi teased, tugging playfully on his friend's irritated cheek.

Lavi knew then, from the billowing obscenities spewing from Kanda's mouth, and the humored and good natured teasing of Allen, that this was no act. This was him. He only needed somebody to break his glass mask, and accept the man on the other side.

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A/N- I know that it sounds really gushy towards the end, I blame my not-enough-time-after-work-to-fix-it. Apparently Burger King takes more out of my than I thought. Heh heh heh. Anyways, any criticism would be amazing, especially about my characterization of these characters, which I'm sure need lots of work. I know that the battle scene was lame at best, but... Yeah, no excuse. Ha ha ha ha ha! So, hopefully somebody enjoyed this, because I don't think my sister did. Heh heh heh. Reviews would be awesome, even if they're flames. At least then I'd know where I'm standing, right?


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